Enough

The 18th of May

Why am I never good enough no matter how hard I try? My efforts are chiefly compensated to lift my spirits, not because I'm deserving of it and it hurts; it hurts so much. It hurts to be so scant. I desperately want to be adequate, but I doubt I ever will be, at least in a substantial way.

I feel so forlorn and lonely. I wish people would do something as simple as checking up on me once in a while. Not that others don't do it onto me, but it is rarely reciprocated without me iniating it. I am grateful for the friends and people in my life but there is a emptiness and longing in my heart that has not been satisfied. Sometimes I wish someone would read my blog entries and reach out, comfort me and tell me it will be okay. I wish. Is it bad to want compassion and attention this desperately and ferverently?

On a completely different note I've been hyper-fixating on Party Wagon !!! I love it so much. Randy x Sue rot my mind dailyyyy squeeee. I've been blogging a looot on tumblr. It's so much fun!!! I want to make mine more polished and add cute graphics and banners. Moreover, I relish in making gifs.. even if the quality tends to be dogwater. I've been doing well, this evening just decided it wants to be absolutely awful hahaha. God, my eyes hurt from weeping.

Will I be enough? What does being enough constitute and entail? I'll have to expound upon this to my shrink tomorrow.

Sincerely, Zoe